So I meant to come write a journal about the nifty extras that just came in the mail for chapter 2.
And this journal is still about that. Just three days left to preorder a copy. ^^ I appreciate all the support that has been given. <3
Here's a pic of the spot gloss on the postcard. 8D
But I think today there's something else I need to say.
Lately this subject has been coming at me in every direction. Both in my own life and in the lives of others surrounding me.
I feel I have had a mediocre life at best in building self confidence. What made the difference was that at a point, I snapped and could no longer give a damn. From that point on, not giving a damn eventually evolved in to being confident enough to try new things (what the hell, I've already failed at everything else) and to carry out dreams (I'm already not working towards a goal, so I set one and don't reach it? Eh. Why not.)
Maybe confidence then is purely by accident on my part. Accidental success is better than none.
But here is my important lesson: a lot of parts of my life, I feel as though I wait for someone to come and save me from them. I look outside myself for a source of happiness.
I must go save myself.
All humans will disappoint. Even your partner who you love brilliantly shall not always be there.
God will not save me or fix the broken parts of my life. They say that God loves humans and cares for us and sets our futures and provides. Yes it is all so. Here, He holds out a future, but first you must take it...
My mother grew up without the love of either of her parents. She has said the only time at which her father was happy with her was when she married a man and left.
Now she searches for that new man to give her complements and approve of her. She looks for validation beyond herself.
But my father did not grow up being validated by his own parents, and so he does not hand out complements and accolades either.
I have both of them in me, and it is a terrible combination. I wish for someone to save me, but I am as silent as my father.
I am determined that I will save myself now.
I am looking behind me and in front of me for the way forward.
But where will the first step be?
There is a future, but I feel isolated from it. Apply to jobs I have no hope of getting? Apply for masters degrees I either don't really want or have no hope of being accepted to?
I just want to move forward somehow. No more waiting or wishing. Just deciding and going. Maybe I am overly afraid because now, I have just a little bit of success in drawing this comic. Many paths would take away the time needed to continue this project.
A future somewhere ...